It’s truly incredible how your mood can fluctuate on a daily, even hourly, basis. Just a few days ago I was extremely motivated to get 2017 started off on the right foot. I had some ideas and was excited to implement them. And now here I sit, filled with dread and anxiety as the prospect of my third year of self-employment looms large.
In times like these I’m glad that I write (blog) and record (podcast) my thoughts on a regular basis. I can easily refer back to posts or episodes from when I felt this way before, and also once I overcame this particular feeling.
At a time of year when I should feel happy and festive, I find myself feeling rudderless and melancholy. I often try to identify what exactly is making me feel this way and either solve the problem or silence the voice in my head which is causing the negative vibes. In other words, I try to take control of what is ultimately out of my control.
This is something I struggle with on an ongoing basis. So much so that I regularly meet with a pastor at my church to discuss my battle with trust, control, and coming to grips with many other shortcomings.
There are times like the one I am in now, where everything feels beyond my reach or beyond my control. The former may not be true, but the latter is very often true. But for some reason I am always surprised when I wake up feeling this way. As if it is something completely new. But I have been here before. Many times. And I have persevered. Not alone. And not always of my own determination. Rather, it has been the constant support and the loving “kick in the pants” from my wife, coupled with a faith in God that has been tested and tried in the fire for many years.
There are things that I simply cannot control. Like whether or not someone decides to use me over the million other real estate agents that exist. Or whether the housing market will improve enough for us to finally be able to get out from under the mortgage on our rental property and once again be able to buy a home for our family to enjoy before they are too old to live there. Or if there is something in God’s grand plan for my life that I am missing or avoiding due to my own stubbornness.
If you are like me and are currently feeling that “bottom-drop-out” feeling that you get when the rollercoaster begins its descent, then let me know. Perhaps we can help each other. Sharing the highs and lows and praying for one another is what the Real Person | Real Needs community is all about. And I cherish each and every one of you who will take the time to read this post and say a prayer for me.
Don’t despair for me. Emotions are a funny and unpredictable thing. I will get over it, and will back to my opinionated and gregarious self in no time. But for now, I always want to put forth a genuine reflection of who I am and what I am dealing with. Because I value authenticity and hopefully so do you.